Facing grief with a grateful heart
A little Halloween edition of the Cat Coach Diaries where Aragorn encourages you not to shy away from your grief, celebrate life instead and keep a grateful heart.
As much as I like Octobers – with all the wonders happening out in the world, from the falling leaves of all colors, which I dream about chasing as they do their dance in the wind, to the flocks of birds gracing the skies and the surrounding trees – which I also dream about catching, but being a realist, I know how that would end. So I much prefer watching all these wonders from the safety of my home. After all, even chasing those leaves might take a little more effort than I would like, and I’m not the youngest cat anymore. Although, something’s telling me, the fun would outweigh the effort. In any case, I’m strictly a home cat and I do not complain. I don’t spend my days thinking about the things I can’t do, because I’m too busy appreciating all that I have. And that’s called gratitude my dear ones.
That said, it is especially important to enjoy the company of those that we love. Because a day will come they will no longer be with us. Or at least not in the form we’re used to. Which is why I love the end of October and the beginning of November even more.
Because at this time of the year, people and cats all around the world remember and celebrate those who are no longer with us. Some of them do it in a more peaceful and dignified way, by lighting up a candle and shedding a tear or two. Some make a party! And put up pictures of all those that are no longer with us on a display. I think this is my favorite way of celebrating, even though I am every inch a dignified cat myself. But this version is just more about celebrating life and I like that idea very much. It’s much more fun than weeping.
My hooman introduced me to it only recently though – I think she only learned about it herself not so long ago. It is supposed to be inspired by Mexican Dia de los Muertos – now I’m sure you’re impressed by my language skills, but us cats can learn just about any language. After all, it’s part of our survival mode. But back to the point.
Mexicans believe that between October 31st and November 2nd, the gates to the other world (whatever it means) open, and those who died come to celebrate with us – as long as we have their photos up and they are not forgotten.
This led my hooman to put up a photo of my little brother Cinnamon which finally assured me that I’m a perfectly healthy cat and I wasn’t hallucinating when I was younger, as there truly have been four of us, not three.
We never talked about Cinnamon with my brothers and so I grew unsure of whether he actually existed or if I just made him up. And of course, I was too scared to ask my brothers if they remembered him because in case I was indeed imagining him, they would tease me for it for the rest of my life. And I certainly would not want that nor to look silly.
But it did teach me a lesson.
I have spoken to my brothers about Cinnamon since my hooman put up those pictures. Turned out, Apricot – being a ginger too as was Cinnamon – was too heartbroken to talk about him, and too scared if he mentioned him, he might somehow disappear too.
And Princ, same as me, was just unsure if he was real – as his imagination surely is wild, so I don’t blame him. In my case, it would have been a bigger surprise, but yeah, sometimes life makes you doubt yourself.
All our fears – of both fear and grief in Apricot’s case as well as our fear of looking silly in my and Princ’s case, got in the way of the much more important bit. Which was remembering Cinnamon and sharing stories about him. Because that’s the only way to keep someone in our hearts. And it's such a silly mistake not to do so. We should celebrate and honor their life. Because no matter how difficult that might be for us, pretending that it never happened is much worse.
Cinnamon deserves to be remembered. He was our brother. He IS our brother. And we loved him. And hiding from our grief is doing him no justice.
We must face our grief. Because through facing it and feeling it we will heal.
And through sharing stories about him, we will heal also. And what's more, we will keep him alive in our hearts.
'We must talk about those who are no longer here with us because that IS the only way to keep them alive. Surely we don’t want them to die again. This time in our hearts. Plus, if you believe what those people with funny hats do, it will also keep them alive on the other side too. And I sure do want that! Because then Cinnamon can come over to party once and partying with him once more, even if he comes in a funny ghostly shape, will surely be so much better than chasing the leaves or the birds. And much safer too. Though I don't want to see what Apricot will do…
But anyway. Don’t mind Apricot, and get your photos up and prepare your stories to share with your loved ones. Not the teary ones, but those that spark joy. Those that best represent those that we lost. Because each life should be celebrated. No matter how short. Poor Cinnamon was with us only for 3 months… but he changed us forever and he will always remain the missing part. But one day we will all be reunited again. That is if we keep remembering him. And we will. We do. And we can’t wait to party all together again in couple of days!
So keep a grateful heart. Don’t let your grief win. Life is to be enjoyed. Especially if we’re so lucky to be here and others are not.